Parents Fight Over What Gang Their Toddler Son Should Join

A couple can't agree on which gang their 4-year-old toddler should join.

A fight about the decision led to a public disturbance with the father's arrest. Joseph Manzanares went to the video store where his girlfriend worked, threatened to kill her and knocked over several video displays, police told KMGH Denver.

Police arrested Manzanares at his home, Commerce City police Sgt. Joe Sandoval told KMGH Denver.

The girlfriend told authorities they were fighting over which gang their son should join. The girlfriend, who is black, is a member of the Crips while Manzanares, who is Hispanic, belongs to the Westside Ballers.

"They have different ideas on how the baby should be raised," Sandoval said. "Basically, she said they cannot agree on which gang the baby would 'claim.'"

C4NN SAYS:

This makes me think that we really should make people apply to have kids. Seriously, you should have to pass a gauntlet of tests before you are allowed to reproduce. I can see it already, this whole thing started over two 40's and some drunken sex at a party with West Side Story or Romeo & Juliet playing in the background. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Meet Joseph Manzanares.

He was charged with disorderly conduct, harassment and domestic violence for a fight with his girlfriend inside a Hollywood video store. Best part is he was released with one year probation and they have made no mention about where his kid is now, so I can assume still around this douche bag (not that his esteemed wife is any better).

Also, for a guy that's in a gang called Westside Ballers...he looks pretty damn scrubby. Might I suggest changing the name to something like "Westside Welfarez" or "Westside Food Stampz". and on a side note, if this guy looks as sexy and handsome as he does in this picture, I can only imagine the kind of girl he managed to hook up with let alone what his kid looks like. Poor kid, it just goes to show you...

It's hard out there for a toddler, yah hurred?

Peace. One love.

-C$NN

Everything Causes Cancer, Even You!

C4NN Exposé

Sometimes the news really pisses me off, which is probably one of the reasons why this site was started in the first place, because if I can't control it I might as well laugh at it. That being said lets get down to business and ask ourselves, what sells news? Fear...that's what sells news.

People watch and read the news daily in absolute horror, almost like a train wreck. You see it coming and while you don't know for sure, you have a pretty good idea of what's going to happen. So you do the only thing you can do...just stand and watch. Once the 6 o'clock news team pops on your screen you know exactly what your about to see because they all follow the same recipe and use the same ingredients. Murders, accidents, robberies, beatings, natural disasters, wars, economic failures (a quick break for the weather and community events), political scandals, celebrity gossip, and perhaps a dash of sports. The perfect recipe for an action packed news hour full of high-ratings!

But what if none of that crap happened today? How the hell are you going to overcome competitive news stations and deliver horrific, shocking and entertaining news?! You can't use yesterdays stories and you can only fill so much air time with those really crappy community specific pieces. You know the ones...with titles like "Mrs Smith turns 100, Girl guides save cat from tree (PS Girl Guides your cookies suck now! I remember when girl guides used to actually BAKE THE COOKIES! All your really learning these days is how to pan handle! GREAT LIFE SKILLS FOR A 12 YEAR OLD you consumer whore sell outs! You'll have your own C4NN post soon enough, I'm sure of it) or man makes toast that bares the image of Jesus..." crap like that.

Well you defiantly can't rely on stories like that to keep a viewer base interested...no...you need big news, something to string the viewers along the whole night. The kind of story you can mention at the start of the news and not actually air until the last segment, knowing full well that everyone will watch intently until the end just to catch that story. You know what you need? A Medical break through that's what!

It's fool proof. all you have to do is dangle the fact that you have reliable information that will either:

A) Prevent you from facing a premature death,

or

B) Dramatically extend your life.

Holy shit I can't go to the movies , I gotta watch the news tonight! Or else I wouldn't know about crap like this:

Seven or More Eggs a Week Raises Risk of Death

C4NN Breakdown

Length of study: 20 years

My first question is, how the hell do you make a conclusion on how much faster people die as a result of eating eggs in only 20 years. How god damn fast are these eggs killing people!?

Quotable quotes

Men without diabetes could eat up to six eggs a week with no extra risk of death. Egg consumption of up to six eggs a week was not associated with the risk of all-cause mortality, consumption of (seven or more) eggs a week was associated with a 23 percent greater risk of death.

All-cause mortality?! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! And why would 7 instead of 6 eggs be such a deciding factor. What if I eat Ostrich Eggs? Those bad boys are huge!

"Egg consumption was not associated with (heart attack / cholesterol) or stroke," the researchers wrote.

But the men who ate seven eggs a week or more were 23 percent more likely to have died during the 20-year period.

C4NN Conclusion:

Doesn't that last quote kinda defeat the entire purpose of the story? That eggs kill people? And what your telling me is you don't know for sure "what" will kill me, just that you're certain that if I eat 7 or more eggs in a week, I must have it coming...Well...at least be 23% more likely.

Id like to know how the hell was that conclusion even formed?! They don't even say! Are they using Tarot cards? "Sorry Mr.Brown, thats the Humpty Dumpty card...you're now 23% more likely to die..." If that's the case why don't I see headlines like "Men buried alive in fatal earthquake, eggs to blame!"

Also, how much money was spent on this? I can't even imagine, especially after considering how many distinguished organizations contributed to this highly conclusive study. Groups such as The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, Womens Hospital, Harvard Medical School, University of Colorado, the American Heart Association.

Fast fact! Did you know it's illegal to encourage someone to kill themselves? Well I guess that means I can sue the pants off the assholes who made these:

In all fairness they don't say a "BAD" Health Habit, just make it a habit. Like smoking.

That's right, eggs wont give you a stroke or a heart attack accoridng to ABC's report, but they might kill you some other way. So I guess that totally warrants a health check symbol. But you know what the best part of all of this is? THIS ONE (Click picture to zoom)

EXCUSE ME?!

I actually took that off Eggs.ca on April 13, 2008. Their research is backed by University of Connecticut and was done in 2005 and used only 42 subjects. But ABC's story was from 2008, studied 21,327 men, and had schools like Harvard involved. But this is eggs.ca for Christ sakes!! What the hell am I supposed to believe now?!

But all this egg nonsense aside, there is one story that is the great fail safe story the media can drop on your ass....cancer. Reports of what causes it, what prevents it, and statistics on how likely you are or are not going to die from it. Most of them are not factual, but rather speculations, and don't actually give you any useful information. Lets take a look at some of the life changing headlines.

Oral sex can cause throat cancer

Summary:

• People who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250% more likely to have throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex, a new study suggests
• 
  
• People with more than five oral sex partners had a 750% increased risk of these HPV-16-caused cancers.

C4NN Conclusion:

This report actually had some really good information statistics and reasoning. It's just sad to know that theres a 250% chance that everyone I know is going to die of cancer. And what the hell does 250% more likely mean? 250% more likely then what? .000000000001? Who knows, just cover your lover in saran wrap to be on the safe side.

Beans may reduce breast cancer risk

Summary:

• Women who ate beans or lentils at least twice a week were 24% less likely to develop breast cancer than women who ate those foods less than once a month.

C4NN Conclusions:

Well, with cancer reductions like that the good news is, if she's a slut at least shes only 226% more likely to get cancer now. Also, I'm just going out on a limb when I say that the majority of the women who would not eat anything at least once in a month with a bean or lentil in it...probably aren't living the healthiest of lives to begin with...just a wild guess.

Hair dyes found to increase cancer risk

Summary:

• “A small but consistent risk of bladder cancer was reported in male hairdressers and barbers."

C4NN Conclusion:

Okay...without getting into graphic detail let me explain the ridiculousness of this claim. Hair dyes causing "Bladder Cancer" in male hairdressers? Notice how they don't talk about Female hairdressers? Have you seen most male hair dressers?

There is NOTHING wrong with being stylish and trendy or wearing a rainbow T-Shirt, but just like the first cancer article I posted said...HPV related cancers are likely to be transfered in saliva, blood, and other bodily fluids...and why wouldn't women get it?

I don't think his bladder cancer came from the hair dye...all I'm saying.

Grapefruit may raise breast cancer risk - study

Summary:

• Grapefruit is being increasingly marketed for its healthfulness, with the fruit currently positioned as containing antioxidants, which may help prevent certain types of cancer, heart disease and stroke. Grapefruit also contains natural vitamin C and potassium.
• 
  
• Women who consume one quarter of grapefruit every day may be at a 30 percent higher risk of breast cancer, suggests an epidemiological study from Hawaii and LA.

C4NN Conclusion:

So basically you just used 549 printed words to tell me you don't know shit. They might cure cancer, they might cause it, who knows!? Just throw in some statistics and big words like epidemiological and call it a story!

Work Stress May Lead to Breast Cancer, Study Finds

Summary:

• The number of breast cancer cases increased by approximately 30 percent for women with stressful jobs.
• 
  
• Researchers found no link between stress and cancer among women in part-time work.

C4NN Conclusion:

Are you joking me?! How the hell can you say women in stressful jobs are more likely to get cancer only if it's full time. That single mom working 2 or 3 part time jobs to raise her kids isn't stressed out at work? And maybe you should keep this in mind next time your at work and yell at someone. You are inducing stress and giving them cancer. You're a terrible person, and you cause cancer.

C4NN Final Thoughts

So I hope you learned something today. Only eat 6 Eggs a week if you believe ABC, or eat 3 a day if you believe eggs.ca, all those times you were intimate with your lover now make you 250% more likely to die PERIOD, don't dye your hair unless cancer is stylish and trendy to you, eating grapefruits will simultaneously cause and cure cancer, and you gave your co-workers cancer last time you yelled at them. Unless of course they work part time, then they are immune to your hate.

Man Arrested For Having Sex With Picnic Table

Man Had Sex With Picnic Table: Arrested

Source: NBC

BELLEVUE, Ohio -- Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.

Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.

According to NBC Toledo, Ohio, affiliate WNWO-TV, the videos show Price tilting the metal round picnic table on its side and then laying up against it to have sexual intercourse with the table. Afterward, he can then be seen cleaning the table and the deck.

During questioning, he reportedly admitted to having sex with the table. Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He was freed after posting $20,000 bond, authorities said.

C4NN SAYS:

Wow...where do I start with this one.

Imagine being the cop who was asked to do the questioning on this one. "So I need you to get in there and find out why this guy has been running around F***'n picnic tables."

.....I says, pardon?

Also, I'm amused by the fact that NBC actually took the time to describe exactly HOW this guy has sex with a picnic table, and provides a sort of Play-By-Play for you (in case you want to try at home they even provide the type of table he prefers to bone).

But you know what amazes me the MOST about this story? the very first line.

Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.

Did that just say...THREE DVD's?? WHAT THE HELL MAN!? One DVD of a guy humping a table wasn't enough for you? Some how you felt compelled to make a trilogy of non-stop table humping action?! Do you have any idea how much footage that is?

A standard 4gb recordable DVD stores up to 2 hours of very good quality DVD-Video, including several audio tracks in formats like stereo, Dolby Digital or DTS and also advanced menu systems, subtitles and still pictures. So assuming this guy wasn't using 8gb Dual Layer, He recorded between 4-6 hours of footage of this guy defiling a table.

Imagine what the cops said when he brought that into the station?! "Jesus man when I said get some evidence, I meant like a 30 second clip or something....How much time did you spend on this?....oh wow you built menus...BONUS FEATURES?!...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED COMMENTARY AND LANGUAGE OPTIONS FOR?!"

Now I don't want to single this guy out and make him sound just as creepy as the table humper himself. I mean for all I know he took one DVD to the police and they said "Hmmm...I dunno if you have a case....come back when you have two sequels and a bit more plot development.....woah woah hey...I didn't say 'take the tape'...just ugh....leave it here...bring more."

What the hell is wrong with the world.

Royal Canadian Air Farce cancelled, Canada gets its dignity back

Royal Canadian Air Farce Finally Gets Axed (Too bad thats just a figure of speech)

SOURCE: The Ottawa Sun

The Farce has landed.

Royal Canadian Air Farce, a comedic staple of CBC television for more than a decade and a half, is calling it quits at the end of this calendar year.

It was confirmed April 1st that what is being described as a "mutual decision" has been made to end Air Farce's run, which dates back 35 years if you include the era on CBC radio. The final Air Farce broadcast is scheduled for Dec. 31, 2008.

When I read this article the first thing I thought to myself was "Don't tease me...worst April Fools Day joke ever." You see...to me, pretending to cancel this show would be like Fox News saying "We interrupt this episode of Heroes to bring you this breaking news....Dr's have just announced they have found an affordable miracle drug that will cure cancer, stop global warming, catch Osama Bin Laden, impeach president Bush and eliminate the need for taxes....APRIL FOOOOOOOLS." The Royal Canadian Air Farce has been the bane of my existence for years. I hate this show and I don't keep it a secret as its the only thing to EVER embarrass me to be a Canadian.

At the mere mention of its name I want to break things as my head fills with questions as to why this show exists and how the actors haven't committed suicide or been kidnapped / assassinated. But I can finally rest at night knowing this show is finally dead. In celebration of this wonderful day I have gathered some quotes directly from the users of Internet Movie Database (IMDB), where the show currently ranks a 4/10.

To kick things off here is a 100% unedited screen shot of the IMDB Forum. Trying to find a discussion group that isn't bashing this Technicolor crap fest is harder then finding Waldo. Infact, to save you time I actually highlighted the GOOD/Non-threatning discussions for you. Why? cause if I highlighted the bad ones the whole god damn page would be green....enjoy

Click the image to zoom in.

By outhousehippy (Sat Apr 15 2006 12:52:01)

I could pull a better tv show than air farce out of my bum.

By jsalden (Thu Feb 22 2007 15:55:06)

Air Farce makes me cry.

They're Old and Need to Retire!, 26 March 2006

Author: jason_coolidge3000 from United Kingdom

Who watches Air Farce???????

I don't know if Royal Canadian Air Farce was ever funny. Maybe it was in 1937 when it first went on the radio.

Royal Canadian Air Farce is one of the worst shows I've seen on TV though. They should retire and I wonder why didn't they retire twenty years ago?

Popcultured with Elvira Kurt, Royal Canadian Air Farce, Mike Bullard are my picks for three worst shows of all time made in Canada, they are all so bad!

It's like CBC with Beachcombers it was on for like twenty years! Nobody I know watches Air Farce so why is it still on my TV?

These people are 100 years old and they all should have retired in 1976.

Beating a dead horse, 23 September 2003

Author: Mark (o20230@hotmail.com) from Toronto, Canada

One of the worst shows on Canadian television. The jokes are lame, the performers are wooden and untalented. Good political humour (or humour in general) explores unchartered oceans, this one wades in stagnant waste water. I can't believe so many Canadians like this show, it's time to retire it and it's crew.

And the award for best Royal Canadian Air Farce rant on IMDB to date goes to user bobsmith6040. He ranked the show 1/10 stars and was so upset by this show he felt the need to express himself in this rather lengthy review (I feel your pain brotha). you know a show sucks when this many people take this much time out of their day to vent hate and warn other people about it.

The W.O.R.S.T.!, 21 October 2006

1/10

Author: bobsmith6040 from Canada

Royal Canadian Air Farce should have retired in the 1950s.

I have never met anybody who says they watch this show, so I'm assuming the only people who do are 100 year old brain dead people who live in old folks homes where the TV has to be set to CBC 24 hours a day because it is the only channel they can get.

Maybe they used to be funny back in the days when families would sit around their radio sets after dinner with grannie and pappy, but they sure aren't now. Take for example their chicken cannon. Every show they put up a picture of a politician who is in the news that week, load up a compressed-air powered 'chicken cannon' and shoot the picture with hilarious 'ammunition', like for example they might put BALONEY in the chicken cannon 'because this guy is full of BALONEY!' They try not to laugh at their own hilarious jokes and shoot the picture. And it's called the chicken cannon because it's got a funny cartoon of a chicken drawn on it! They also do impressions of all the country's big politicians. They actually can't really do impressions though, they just put on different glasses and a wig and then say "hello I'm so-and-so"...

They have Luba Goy who impersonates every female character on the show which is so terrible it's not even funny because she's like 3 feet tall and 400 pounds and 75 years old so watching her pretend to be people half her age is just sad.

The writing is the worst, none of their sketches even make sense. They just come up with lame jokes based on the week's news and then have random characters to talk about it. Like they'll have a news reporter talk about the week's top news even and interview three people, the girl from the mattress commercial, the prime minister and george strombolopoulos... what? wtf? Yeah they also have a cabbie who talks about random news events for no reason at all and his catch phrase is "no vie-sa you pay cash!" and he is on like every week even though it wasn't even funny the first time. "Hey did you know that they are cutting the GST? That's weird, usually politicians want to take MORE money! No VIE-SA you pay cash! And hey how about those Maple Leafs? They lost again this week... they lose so much they shouldn't even bother showing up for the games! No vie-sa you pay cash! And Stephen Harper has no personality, he's like a robot! No vie-sa you pay cash!" One of the new cast members does an impersonation of Stephen Harper that belongs in a grade four play. You see, prime minister Harper doesn't have much of a personality, so they play him like he's a robot! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No wonder this show is still on the air! And they do a news report based in Newfoundland so they talk about the news but they keep talking about fish too, because people in Newfoundland go fishing a lot! And they wear fisherman's rain slickers, HAHAHAHAHAHHAA!!!!! CBC please put a fork in this stupid show because pretty soon the 100 year olds who watch it because they don't have the ability to change the channel are going to die and then you won't have anybody watching Canada's national channel at all. How can you blame us for watching other channels when you keep crap like Royal Canadian Air Farce on TV for like 20 years? Get with it!!!!!

C4NN says: Burn.