Man Had Sex With Picnic Table: Arrested
Source: NBC
BELLEVUE, Ohio -- Police said an Ohio man has been arrested for allegedly having sex with a picnic table.
Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.
According to NBC Toledo, Ohio, affiliate WNWO-TV, the videos show Price tilting the metal round picnic table on its side and then laying up against it to have sexual intercourse with the table. Afterward, he can then be seen cleaning the table and the deck.
During questioning, he reportedly admitted to having sex with the table. Police said he also admitted to bringing the table inside his home for sex.
Price faces four counts of public indecency. He was freed after posting $20,000 bond, authorities said.
C4NN SAYS:
Wow...where do I start with this one.
Imagine being the cop who was asked to do the questioning on this one. "So I need you to get in there and find out why this guy has been running around F***'n picnic tables."
.....I says, pardon?
Also, I'm amused by the fact that NBC actually took the time to describe exactly HOW this guy has sex with a picnic table, and provides a sort of Play-By-Play for you (in case you want to try at home they even provide the type of table he prefers to bone).
But you know what amazes me the MOST about this story? the very first line.
Police arrested Arthur Price Jr. after an anonymous tipster dropped off three DVDs that reportedly showed Price in the act.Did that just say...THREE DVD's?? WHAT THE HELL MAN!? One DVD of a guy humping a table wasn't enough for you? Some how you felt compelled to make a trilogy of non-stop table humping action?! Do you have any idea how much footage that is?
A standard 4gb recordable DVD stores up to 2 hours of very good quality DVD-Video, including several audio tracks in formats like stereo, Dolby Digital or DTS and also advanced menu systems, subtitles and still pictures. So assuming this guy wasn't using 8gb Dual Layer, He recorded between 4-6 hours of footage of this guy defiling a table.
Imagine what the cops said when he brought that into the station?! "Jesus man when I said get some evidence, I meant like a 30 second clip or something....How much time did you spend on this?....oh wow you built menus...BONUS FEATURES?!...WHAT THE HELL DO YOU NEED COMMENTARY AND LANGUAGE OPTIONS FOR?!"
Now I don't want to single this guy out and make him sound just as creepy as the table humper himself. I mean for all I know he took one DVD to the police and they said "Hmmm...I dunno if you have a case....come back when you have two sequels and a bit more plot development.....woah woah hey...I didn't say 'take the tape'...just ugh....leave it here...bring more."
What the hell is wrong with the world.
2 comments:
Did you see the legs on that table?! Seriously, I've seen the table - she was the instigator.
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