Virginia Declares War on Testicles

Va. lawmaker seeks ban on replica genitalia after girl spots rubber testicles on trailer hitch.


RICHMOND, Va. - It's one thing to dangle fuzzy dice from a rear view mirror, but decorating a trailer hitch with a large pair of rubber testicles might be a bit much in Virginia.

State Del. Lionel Spruill introduced a bill Tuesday to ban displaying replicas of human genitalia on vehicles, calling it a safety issue because it could distract other drivers. FULL STORY HERE



C4NN Says:

Before I get into this, it's Nice to see State lawmaker Lionel Spruill spending his time on things that matter. On a complete side note, In 2006 Virgina residents were graced with 21,568 Violent Crimes 189,406 Property Crimes, 399 Murders (Aww man, one more and they could have sent away for the Dubble Bubble beach ball!) 1,792 Rapes, 7,749 Robberies, 11,628 counts of aggravated assault, 31,913 cases of burglary, 142,679 of larceny theft and 14,814 vehicles stolen. So any way back to the nuts at hand.

For those of you that have no idea why Mr.Spruill is upset or what exactly bulls-balls(z),truck nuts(z), Blue Balls(z), Truck Balls(z) or Hitch Junk are, then allow me to explain.

This is pretty much the same beef some crotchety old people had with the fad of having Calvin stickers pissing all over things. Remember this guy?



Well if you don't know his name is Calvin. he's a character from the old comic strip Calvin and Hobbs (One of the few things in the paper I liked as a kid).

If you have never seen this logo before then keep your eyes peeled. Sometimes you find the odd person who still gets really excited by the fact that they can put ANY logo / picture under Calvin's piss stream to make a really bold meaningful statement to the world.

"Take that President Bush/Chevy/Ford/My least favorite sports team! You Can't tell me and my cartoon pee what to do!"

And as fun as that was in early 2000, 2008 brings us rubber replicas of testicles that can be hung from your trailer hitch (Finally, I can sleep at night now). However I would like to clear up one MAJOR misconception that most people have, including those who buy these things...

THEY ARE NOT REPLICA HUMAN TESTICLES!

They are "Bulls Balls". It's a Texan rodeo / cowboy thing that has been around for a while and just recently leaked into the city and suburban areas. Even still I'm sure some people still find it offensive but I thought I'd clear that up. They are not male genitals.

It should also be noted State Del. Lionel Spruill is no newbie when it comes to attempting a ban on things that old people who don't have social lives don't understand and thus are scared of. In 2005 (and this is 100% fact) He tried to ban baggy pants. No joke. He drafted a bill to ban pants that exposed your boxers/underwear. (which was shot down and never heard of again)

We have yet to find out what the verdict on the Hitch Junk case is going to be, but rest assured Mr. Spurill will do everything in his power to get 'deez nuts' out of drivers faces. He's even willing to go as far as brining a pair to house and was quoted saying

'I'm going to bring them out here and show them to you till they tell me to stop.'

Is that how he opposed baggy pants?! Just pulled them down till someone begged him to stop? Man, I gotta get some USA political debates on satellite. CPAC has to step up their game.